Awake and Watching

Why not you? this was a question asked of me the other day. It's in reference to why I'm still at my crappy job instead of going for my dream career. I cannot answer this or would answer this only with excuses. My current job is in retail, and for anyone else in retail we know this is the time of year that sucks the most. It is currently my 11th holiday season. I have often dreamt of cashing it all in and try and break into the art world or better yet the comic book world. But, for some reason I'm still loyal to a company that treats me like crap. Often I semiseriously joke with other managers about how much "home office" hates us with their strange updates and changes. I can't do this for much longer or it will drive me to the looney bin. My problem is that I can't in all honesty look or apply for a job while I have one. For me there needs to be an end before I can focus on something new. This is where I fall apart. How can I afford my and my wife's LA lifestyle if I just walk of my current job to start looking for a new one. Where did this strange loyalty come from. Why does it feel like cheating when I'm looking a job postings and think that I could do that or be that, but don't offer my hat in the ring because I'm already with some company. It's not like the company I work for isn't already looking or training my replacement. Is it that I'm scared that I would get this new job and it would be great. Or is it a fear that it will ruin my love of art. Or worse off, is it that I'm too comfortable in my current job and payscale that anything else would be a leap of faith I don't know I can make. I know my wife would support me in any effort that I made. Why am I so afraid of change, or putting my self out there. Why not me?