i rage i melt

Soldiers of Misfortune

2008-07-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

As you can tell by the absences of posts in the last 5 months I got a new boss. In the five years i've worked for the company I'm at I've had many bosses. Not many like this though. I feel I have put in more sweat and hours in to my job since he took over then I did in the last 5 years. I don't know if I care for the job anymore and feel myself being a lot more indifferent if I get fired or not. I am not in any position in life to lose this job as the wife and I have big plans for 2009, but I just don't know how long I can put up with this crap. I guess it's just head down and work thru it hoping that the satisfaction of giving my notice next summer is worth all the crap I put up with.

No Bunny

2008-02-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to alot of internet radio lately (as my ipod always needs to be recharged) and it got me thinking. Is this the new revolution the music industry needs? When I was first getting into music, It was a hour and a half hour drive to a record store. I would buy albums from labels I knew that I liked other bands from or by the artwork on the cover. In my small town there was no radio stations outside of top 40. I was getting into industrial and electronica, the only way for me to discover these artist was through hit or miss album purchases or word of mouth. This started me off on buying a lot of 12 inch singles and later cd singles and then expanding to the full albums if I liked what I heard. I think the first step in the dying of the music industry was the when they stopped producing cd singles in the amount they did in the late 80's to early 90's. I know that the downloadable singles were the reason they stopped, but not everyone at the time had the internet. I currently have over 1300 industrial cd's and albums. A good collection that I have a massed in the last 20 years. I was until currently buying new artists and albums on the old mantra of label and artwork. This has changed. In the last 8 hours of listening to RantRadio I have heard maybe four songs that I have in my collection. I listen as I do my artwork and have a piece of scrap paper that I scribbled down new artists as I hear them. With this kind of exposure and instant gratification (downloads) how fast can someone just getting into music have a collection of digital music to make my wall of cd's look ancient? I still don't know how I feel about downloads. I love the crisp quality of the music but miss having the artwork and liner notes. I know that newer MP3 players are trying to remedy this for us old fuddy duddies by scrolling through album covers to chose the song, but nothing with be the same as holding it physically in my hands. Any ways, I believe the revolution has begun, or I just discovered it for myself.

Join in the Chant

2008-02-05T08:47:00.000-08:00

To help me in my quest to become a better comic book artist I have enrolled in a correspondance course from the Joe Kubert school. I haven't been in school in years so I thought trying a class from the comfort of my art desk would be the way to go. I am so out of practice in my inking. I used to fly through a page and now I am struggling to finish the first one I've done in months. I guess I go used to inking my own work and would cheat on the pencils to make the inking easier. Inking someone else's work is kinda daunting. Choosing what looks best for my eyes and hoping it's what the penciler was thinking when they made that line. I is definely helping me stay on a schedule and getting me closer to my goals that I posted earlier this year. Let's hope I can stick with it and see what comes from it.

Whirlpool

2008-01-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

I am currently working on my new year list by updating my deviantart website with some posters I did for an independent record store in Arizona named Hoodlums. As posted there, Hoodlums was flooded out last summer and over the winter the Memorial Union that it is located in had a fire. They are currently shut done and may not open until later this spring. If you get a chance check them out at www.hooodlumsmusic.com or my deviantart site www.chrispee.deviantart.com

zero-sum

2008-01-09T14:07:00.000-08:00

My first real day off in months and I spend it at home sick. Why do I feel guilty about wanting time by my self where I'm not under the pressure to get chores done or make time for anyone else but me? My first real day off since the beginning of November and I feel like crap, not only do I have a chest cold but wished I felt better so I could get some cleaning done.

In This Twilight

2008-01-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since my last post. No, I did quit my crappy job, but I've thought alot more about the future than I have before. I know it's that time of year to reflect and make promises of change but I've decided rather than making resoloutions that I will probably break before I write them I thought I would make a checklist of things I would like/need/want to do in 2008. Here they are for the world to keep score.

As a person
-see the doctor
something I have been putting off for years and as I;m getting older I can oly imagine what my 20's did to my body
-make a real friend
I don't have anyone that I can call a true friend(besides my wife), I have a bunch of people that I work with, and a bunch of people I play and talk to online but no one to really hang out .
-find a new job/career
I rant and rave about how much I dislike my current job but have been with it over three years without change
-save more money
My wife and I would like to buy a house in the next couple of years...
-make more time for myself
Last year I gave up a lot of personal time to help out others and it only took away from my mental health and my marriage.

As a husband
-make more time for my wife.
We still haven't taken a honeymoon and I really haven't made the time I should for my wife.
-plan something romantic

As an artist
-do a poster size art piece a month
-20 comic pages
-get a second comic printed

As a technophile
-update my blogs and websites more often

As a human
-reduce my impact on the earth
this my wife and I have already started a few years now and would like to find more ways to decrease my/our footprint
-donate more
there are so many organizations that need help, I just have to find more that fit my beliefs

What a World

2007-12-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

What did we do before technology. I can't remember what life was like before we had instant access to the world. And everyday it becomes even more personal. We can now connect to the world from our pockets. Are the days of Star Trek that far off? We were watching Children of Men last night and I remember how it was considered in one review as the modern day Blade Runner. When I watched Blade Runner as a kid that future seemed so far off it was insane. Flying cars? But watching Children of Men, I could really place myself in that future and it didn't seem that far off from where life is today. I can see car with windshield notifications. I can almost see myself in the future that was set up in Minority Report. Can the year 2100 seem so different to us know than what 2000 looked like in the early 1900s. Technology seems to be increasing at a phoenominal rate and yet the future doesn't seem that strange. Or should it? Wil the terminator future happen and send us back to the dark ages?

Awake and Watching

2007-12-11T15:29:00.000-08:00

Why not you? this was a question asked of me the other day. It's in reference to why I'm still at my crappy job instead of going for my dream career. I cannot answer this or would answer this only with excuses. My current job is in retail, and for anyone else in retail we know this is the time of year that sucks the most. It is currently my 11th holiday season. I have often dreamt of cashing it all in and try and break into the art world or better yet the comic book world. But, for some reason I'm still loyal to a company that treats me like crap. Often I semiseriously joke with other managers about how much "home office" hates us with their strange updates and changes. I can't do this for much longer or it will drive me to the looney bin. My problem is that I can't in all honesty look or apply for a job while I have one. For me there needs to be an end before I can focus on something new. This is where I fall apart. How can I afford my and my wife's LA lifestyle if I just walk of my current job to start looking for a new one. Where did this strange loyalty come from. Why does it feel like cheating when I'm looking a job postings and think that I could do that or be that, but don't offer my hat in the ring because I'm already with some company. It's not like the company I work for isn't already looking or training my replacement. Is it that I'm scared that I would get this new job and it would be great. Or is it a fear that it will ruin my love of art. Or worse off, is it that I'm too comfortable in my current job and payscale that anything else would be a leap of faith I don't know I can make. I know my wife would support me in any effort that I made. Why am I so afraid of change, or putting my self out there. Why not me?

Sweet Stuff

2007-12-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

The video game awards are on tonite and as a fun little list I will be picking my faves of the year.

*Game of the year-Call of Duty 4:modern warfare
Runner up-Rainbow Six Vegas
*Sport game of the year - Skate
Runner up-MLB 08the show
*Action game of the year - Uncharted: Drake's fortune
Runner up-Ninja Gaiden Sigme
*Shooter of the year - Call of Duty 4
Runner up - Rainbow Six Vegas
*RPG of the year - Dot Hack G.U. vol 1-3
Runner up- Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
*Handheld game of the year - Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
Runner up - zelda phantom hourglass
*Racing game of the year - Burnout Dominator
Runner up-Dirt
*Best new ip - Uncharted:Drake's fortune
Runner up - Zach and Wiki
*Best overall ps3 game - Ratchet and Clank Future
Runner Up - Warhawk
*Best overall multi system game - Call of Duty 4
Runner up- Rainbow Six vegas
*Best overall ps2 game - God of War 2
Runner up- RedStar
*Best overall psp game - Ratchet and Clank: size matters
Runner up - silent hill origins
*Best overall wii game - Super Mario Galaxy
Runner up - Metroid Prime
*Best overall ds game - Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
Runner up-Zelda phantom hourglass
*Comeback of the year - Warhawk
Runner up- Power rangers Anniversary

well those are my choices for tonite, I'm sure that will totally change in the next week when I get my hands on unreal and half life or better yet remember some of the games I played at the beginning of the year.

(No)Food(Until Sunday)

2007-12-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

I just found out today that one of my favorite record stores in Phoenix (Hoodlums) is closed until further notice because of a fire. This is sad as I know the owners and wonder how they will make their families christmas's. Also this was one of the few indy record stores that was still making it in the modern MP3 world. (Which is another thing that has made me sad, watching all these indy record stores close here in LA.) More troubling is they were just flooded out this past summer and were closed down for a few weeks to recover from that. It's like there is someone trying to tell them something or it's the work of Zia trying to sabatoge the biz. My heart goes out to the owners and all the hoodlum without work right now. If there is anything we can do let us know.
That wasn't the only thing to get me going today. One of my employees is driving me nuts. It's like he's just trying everthing in his power to get my goat. Normally I would let it go and move on but he seems to do it without trying. The more I try and get him on track the more he acts like a whipped puppy and ignores his duties which gets me more frustrated. Arrg. Maybe it's the holiday season. My 11th in retail and they seem to get worse ever year. People are more cranky, try to squeeze every discount and use/abuse any angle they can get. It's not ever customer that does this, just enough that it grinds on you. Also in the retail world there is always the one or two hot items that everyone wants and are never in stock. Endless phone calls and questions about why you are crushing their christmas because you didn't know to save them this item. My store gets over 100 calls a day for the hot item (thanks axe for the clicker). It just grinds on a person. Well atleast there is only 20 more shopping days until returns start rolling in. I need to ask santa for a new job for christmas.
And to finish the emotional roller coaster, my wife got to tour Dodger stadium as part of a christmas party with her friend. So jealous. I would love to have the chance to stand at home plate and look out at the "think blue" sign. It must be insane when the seats are filled. 50 thousand people looking down on you, how crazy must that be.

Bent Massive

2007-12-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Someone this week asked me where do I go to get things off my chest or to express myself. I really couldn't answer that question and have been thinking about it a lot. For the past couple of years I have fallen into a rut and have slowly become old. I no longer do as much art as I would like, or read, or go to shows, or even listen to music. These things seemed so important to me for over a decade, and the past few years they have slowly faded away. This was how I expressed myself for so many years. My art would drive me crazy, spending so many hours just thinking by myself that I would go thru a range of emotions sitting at my drawing table. Just lost in my head, sorting thru all the things I had stuffed away in my emotional jar. Listening to albums that would remind me of all the things that had happened to me. Going to shows and letting it all out in the crowd singing and dancing along to the music that I had some emotional tie to.
Well i decided that I needed to get in touch with those things that had once kept me sane. So after the seeing a man with an usb turntable, I busted out some records (yes the old school 12") and spent some time listening to some of the music from my teenage years that helped me through that part of my life. So this blog is the result of that need to go back and find where I fell off the path and find myself again. I named it after the last single i needed to fill my Click Click collection, that I found at the now defunct Rhino records in westwood when I first moved to the LA area. This single was a very important find as the Click Click collection has played a strong part in keeping in touch with my past and placing it with my new life.